R. Eric Thomas writes the "Asking Eric" column for Tribune Content AgencyCourtesy of TCA
Dear Eric: My ex-husband and I were on fairly even financial footing when we divorced. Our incomes were similar, and we split the assets almost down the middle. He was a lazy, selfish, philandering husband, but he’s a decent dad. Losing that 200 pounds of deadweight has freed me up to focus on advancing my career. My income has doubled, while his has remained relatively stable. He doesn’t know what I make now; I know his salary because it’s public information.
Our child is headed for college this fall. We agreed in the divorce that all of our kid’s expenses would be split evenly between us. I’ve been saving and have/will have enough for my half of the tuition. However, the kid earned enough in scholarships that I can easily pay 100 percent of their remaining expenses myself. I suspect that even half of the reduced college expenses will be a hardship for my ex. (I don’t know – or need/ want to know – how he planned to pay his half of the full tuition if the kid hadn’t gotten such significant merit aid.)
I have two options: Pay my half, and stash whatever is left into a fund for the kid’s grad school or first home or whatever launch assist they might need when the time comes. After all, I have extra because they got scholarships, so they should benefit in the long run, right? This also enables me to respond to any unanticipated expenses that might arise.
Or offer to cover a larger share, even all of it. That will mean less/no money left at the end for easing the transition into adulthood. But it will mean my ex doesn’t have to take out loans (I assume?) to meet his obligation. Saddling the kid with student loans is not in the cards.
Thoughts?
– Splitting the Bill
Dear Splitting: Option A, I beg of you! Firstly, not all public information is need-to-know information. I’d lump your ex-husband’s salary (and general financial state) as squarely in the Don’t Need to Know category. Thinking through all the angles is kind of you, but we can overstep with kindness, too. Keeping your eyes on your own wallet will be healthiest for you and for the separation.
Secondly, there will definitely be other expenses in your kid’s future. Unexpected Costs is the name of the game in your 20s. So, having a fund to help ease the journey through college and into early adulthood will be incredibly helpful.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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