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Why I helped create a scholarship for closeted (and out) youth
TK CAPTION
Mark Stuart, the San Diego Foundation's president and CEO, recounts how tackling mental health, social acceptance, and family rejection as a gay youth inspired him to help the next generation.
I knew I was different starting in the fourth grade and I was afraid; afraid for many years. Like so many young, gay boys, no matter how hard I tried to be in the closet, others knew I was different, and they did something about it. The bullying started in early elementary school and lasted until I left for college.
I hid at school and at home, trying to find safe spaces where I felt that I could be me. Alone time with books was a favorite refuge. My mom was my biggest cheerleader, but while we talked a lot about many topics, there was one that I never brought up. It was my secret that hung over everything I thought about.
My mother’s understanding of gay life was tattooed-and-pierced dancers wearing little to nothing on floats in 1980s gay Pride parades on TV news. There was no evidence of promise for a young gay man in the world that she knew. It was also the time of the AIDS epidemic, which added a layer of fear and tragedy to that time.
When I was between high school and college, she asked if I was gay. My response was an immediate and complete refusal. My fear of discovery was enormous. After that moment, I did everything possible to hide who I was, despite knowing my sexual orientation since fourth grade.
I feared being kicked out of the house and my family’s life, and being cut off emotionally and financially. I’d always wanted to go to college, but how would I pay for college on my own? Today, millions of college students identify as LGBTQ+, and many struggle with the same issues of mental health, social acceptance, and family rejection.
Many of these students are grappling with whether they can tell their parents this year, this decade or ever. All my life, I have wanted the opportunity to make someone’s life different than mine was at that time.
Now, that moment has arrived. As president and CEO of San Diego Foundation, I am grateful to work for an organization where I can bring my whole self to work and where our mission is centered on creating a future where everyone has the opportunity to thrive, prosper, and feel like they belong.
TK CAPTIONCourtesy Mark Stuart
This year, San Diego Foundation launched a new scholarship program, National Rainbow College Fund, to support those who are out publicly and those who choose to remain in the closet due to fear or unsafe circumstances. For many, the ability to pursue higher education is not just a path to success, but rather, a lifeline. By widening access to education regardless of whether a student is publicly out, we remove barriers, and make it possible for people to live out their dreams.
These scholarships will be granted to eligible students without requiring them to disclose their sexual identity. In a world where being out is not always safe or possible, National Rainbow College Fund stands as a promise: No student should have to choose between their education and their safety.
Starting in California, the fund will grow to be a national source of financial aid for LGBTQ+ students to attend the technical/trade school, community college, or university of their choosing. The application process is designed to protect student privacy, ensuring that both out and closeted students alike can receive support without fear.
Recently, I heard from students who were the first recipients of the National Rainbow College Fund scholarship. These students are studying to become clinical child psychologists, social workers, nurses, genetic counselors, and more. Some are the first in their family to go to college. I’ll admit I was emotionally overwhelmed when they shared their appreciation for someone believing in them.
I was fortunate. I know my mother always believed in me. But even when she was in my care during home hospice, I never shared that I was gay. If my mother were alive today, I hope she would be proud of the person, leader, and executive I have become and would rejoice in the decades-long relationship I have with my husband, Tim.
Today, too many homeless LGBTQ+ youth have been kicked out of their homes by parents who did not let love guide their decision-making. Had I been kicked out of my family and home, I would not be the person I am today.
Since the COVID-19 pandemic, I've been inspired by one of my favorite quotes from Maya Angelou: “Hope and fear cannot occupy the same space. Invite one to stay.” Today, more than ever, we must counter fear with hope, and National Rainbow College Fund can provide that. A hand up empowers LGBTQ+ students to pursue their ambitions for higher education. We can transform lives and create the next generation of leaders.
My fears haunted me for years, but they ended long ago. I hope that now I can help to end that fear for so many others.
Mark Stuart is president and CEO of San Diego Foundation. Learn more about the foundation and scholarship at RainbowCollegeFund.org.
